Re-solution.

Ok, 2011 is over and done with and now everything starts anew I suppose. But does it really? Do the mistakes that were made in the past year just instantly vanish? Do the fears, the resentments, the anger that was harbored just simply disappear when the clock strikes midnight? Does love that was gain or lost just simply vanish?  I’d venture to say that no. That the clock causing another year to occur doesn’t change anything.

WE are the ones who can change the outcome of the next year. We are the ones who can make choices, decisions, actions that will determine what the next year will look like.

Now that doesn’t mean that I’m not superstitious. I’ve mentioned before that for I feel whatever happens to me on New Years Eve determines what my next year will look like. Last year Adamo and I spent it fighting and arguing over a look that the gave me. A fucking LOOK. Can you imagine how petty and childish that is, looking back. I can say with all honesty that was pretty fucking petty of me.

And of course the past year has been what I like to call a Tornado…a Tornado that ran through my life, sucking everything up in it and then placing things wherever they landed.  This includes people, places and things.  And trust me I dragged other people into this tornado, one in particular person that no matter how much I try won’t seem to forgive me. Scratch that he can forgive me for what I have done, he can’t forgive my heart.  I guess that’s probably the most general way that I can put things.  This tornado was a fucking mess y’all. Adamo and I don’t live in the same household anymore.  We spent about 95% of our relationship living together and now we have two separate homes. We share custody of our 3 dogs and ya know what? I think that’s one of the best things that could have happened to us. We both have been able to find our own independence. To gain our own identities again and start things new. We didn’t need another year to do that.

2011 ended with me winning some money, and having an almost calm evening compared to others. I was surrounded by a lot of people who I love and care about and it just seemed peaceful. It felt calm.  I just can’t help but wonder though, if the remains of that tornado is just looming.  The thing is that, if that is the case at least I’ll be ready this year. Last year taught me a lot of things, it taught me that I am a pretty fucking strong person.  I have a perseverance about me, some have said.  Granted that can get the best of me or give me many great things.  One thing I do know is that this year for me, is going to be about solutions. Finding solutions on how to live a healthier happier life.

Life seems to be more enjoyable that way.