Lesbegay.
It’s pretty common knowledge that I like to make myself stand out and be different than others. It’s not that I’m trying to be original, it’s just that I am original. I feel that I am so different my family, my friends and Gay Culture all together. I don’t think of myself as an average gay man. I don’t keep up with the latest fashions, even though I do like all the Gay Divas; I don’t keep up with them on a regular basis. I must have been absent that day in gay school when they gave out the home decorating card cause I can’t decorate my house for shit. A lesbian friend of mine recently commented that my bedroom looked like that of a high school boy. I didn’t know if I should be honored or embarrassed. The fact of the matter is that I don’t care. I wear what I think is comfortable, do what and say what I want to, end of story.
So if that is what makes me different then so be it. I also don’t get into the hooking up thing either. Granted I’ve been in a committed relationship for the last 5 years but even if I was single and for the short bit that I was single recently, hooking up didn’t have the allure that it once did in my early twenties. I would always feel that I lost a part of who I was whenever I hooked up with whomever Mr. Right Now was for the night. I am a classy lady after all. A walking contradiction of myself. I have friends who hook up using the Grindr method for their Iphones, if you don’t know what that is ask any gay man you know I’m sure he has heard of it. Constant Reader cruising in the bathroom has evolved and now you can have dick at your door faster than a pizza delivery…or hell even from the pizza delivery boy. That sort of selling my soul short isn’t for me. But I watch my friends, Iphone in hand waiting for the next one to click their name, another nameless face on the pillow, another part of the soul gone. That is atleast how I would feel if that was something that I took part of, luckily I don’t. So I sit back, watch and observe and wonder “Is it really worth it?”
Don’t even get me started on the tabloids…a certain person that I am very close to likes to talk about the tabloids and the latest goings on of celebrities. I know what you’re saying or thinking…Santi that is what your blog was about for so long. Well yea that is true and yes I still watch a few reality shows now and then but my life isn’t engulfed in the latest excursions of the Kardasians or how Brad Pitt wants Jennifer Aniston back. I just don’t get it. My life has a million things going on and I don’t need mindless information floating around anymore. How about we talk about the endless war that is going on? Or this Occupy Movement? Or how about the fact that our minds our so dulled with pointless information that most gay people won’t get out of the bar to try and fight for the rights we so lawfully deserve.
Walking contradiction…
I know it seems like I’m all over the place with this one but the truth of the matter is that I’m not. My friends have been telling me for quite sometime that I’m a lesbian trapped in a man’s body. I have since believed them and embrace my lesbianism with a badge of honor. And that’s to the movie, “Easy A” I was able to give a name to my raging lesbianism. I call it Lesbegay. I’m too gay to be straight, to straight to be gay and to much of a man to be a lesbiam. Walking contradiction indeed.
It’s fun though. No more rules for me. I can listen to Indigo Girls, Tracy Chapman, Sarah McLachlan and my newest obsession Uh Huh Her and be proud of that. I don’t need to listen to Britney Spears just because every other queer is doing it. No ma’am that isn’t me.
So again it’s not that I try to be different it’s just that I am different. I was born this way(no gaga reference intended) and I’m ok with that. I feel as I am finally growing into the adult I want to be and that feels amazing.
